Fechar
Menu
If we’ve made the decision to share our story with someone—or if we’re just thinking about doing so—it can be helpful to prepare for the conversation in advance. Figuring out what we hope to achieve by disclosing our story and how we’d like to feel about it afterwards, can guide what we decide to say to a specific person.
For instance, if we’re telling a romantic partner, we may prefer to focus on how our experience impacts our ability and desire to be intimate. We also don’t have to disclose all the details of what happened. We can try something like: “I’m not ready to talk about it in too much detail, but I want to let you know that I don’t like to do ____ and prefer ____ instead.”*
If we’re speaking with colleagues at work because they’ve been using triggering language, we might want to express how we feel based on our experiences and let them know how their language affects us.
*Our Bloom course Healing from sexual trauma includes a session on navigating sex after assault.
When telling our stories, we might have an idea of how we want things to go. That’s understandable—we want to be believed and supported by the people in our lives. We can’t always predict exactly what will happen, but we can try to prepare beforehand.
Some people might ask lots of questions, or have comments and opinions they want to share with us. Remember that questions don’t always mean disrespect—sometimes people don’t know how to react, and instead ask lots of questions. If they ask something that feels uncomfortable or difficult, we can let them know.
For example, we might say: “The question you asked is upsetting/makes me feel uncomfortable,” or “I’m not sure how to respond to that, can you give me a moment?”
The person we’re telling might have an unsupportive response. For example, they might become angry, or begin to blame us for what happened to us. If this happens, it is not our fault: it is not our job to manage the reactions of the people we tell.
If we receive this kind of unsupportive response, it’s okay to end the conversation.
Telling our story isn’t always easy and sometimes we might want to change our original plan. It’s okay to change our minds.
It can help to think ahead about how to handle it if, when we get to that point, we no longer want to discuss what happened. We can practice saying a simple phrase like, “I’ve changed my mind and no longer want to talk about this.”
We might also want to take a break; a moment to gather our thoughts before continuing again. Saying something like, “I need a moment, do you want to tell me about your day?” could help make the situation more comfortable. Whenever we’re ready to discuss again, we can communicate that.
We can also consider an exit strategy: how to end the discussion and what to do next.
It’s okay to change our minds about what to do during or after the conversation, once we get to that stage. For example, we might say: “I don’t think I have it in me to go out today, would you mind staying in with me/letting me be alone for a while?”
Sharing something so personal can stir many emotions—for us and for the person listening. Here are a few things to keep in mind to help you feel steady and supported during the conversation.
Even when we feel ready, sharing can still bring up big emotions—for us and for others. Planning ahead and staying centred on your needs can help you feel safer during the conversation.
You can prepare by thinking through what you want to say (and what you don’t).
Other people’s reactions are theirs to manage; your job is to care for yourself.
It’s okay to stop or change direction if the conversation feels too hard.
Grounding and self-soothing techniques can help before and after sharing.
